The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
