i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
