You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
