In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
