The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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