Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
