i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
