dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Someone signed my nipple.
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