A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
