i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
