peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
