I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
