Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
