suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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