Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
