god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
