I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
