Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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