My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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