maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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