I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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