I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
