The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
