I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
