I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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