Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
