i think i have two assholes
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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