Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
