drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize