Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
