I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I stole a fireplace last night.
Sorry my hands just texted you
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
