I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Randomize
