he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize