Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
