I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
