I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
