Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
