What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
