Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
