There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
