NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize