Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
