i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize