Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
