i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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