yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
