like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Someone came in the potted fern
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
