I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
