I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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