There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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