Sry I called you an 8
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
