I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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