I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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