it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
This house was built for laser tag.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's rum buckets o'clock
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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