the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize