I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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