But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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