Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Randomize