I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You may now shotgun with the bride
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
