my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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