I smell stomach acid.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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