I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
