i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Quick, to the slutcave!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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