Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
