I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
