when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
PANTIES FOUND
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
