Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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