I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
