i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
