whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
