I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
