dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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