her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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