ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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