oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
