I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Mom said you looked used
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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