I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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