Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
