he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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