____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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