I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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