It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
